Pity party

So, long story short, my milk supply has dwindled rapidly in the last week or so. I never fully recovered from the mastitis, but I was planning to cut down on my extra pumping anyways, so I just stopped doing that but was still making enough to keep up with Julia. Now, two days ago, I was two ounces short for the day, and yesterday I was six. SIX ounces short. I think some of it has to do with Julia's long sleep at night. As I've adjusted to a full eight to ten hours without nursing or pumping, I've noticed I'm much less full in the mornings, and I guess that's trickling down (or not) to the rest of the day.

I'm beside myself. I don't really care if she gets some formula to supplement (although for now I have quite the freezer stash so we're not there yet). I can't see how switching her diet - from exclusive breastmilk to part breastmilk, part formula - could possibly do any harm or rob her of any benefit at this point. But, I'm just not personally ready to give up on breastfeeding. I like it, she likes it and it's super-convenient. I'm just afraid if I start to supplement that it's the beginning of a slippery slope (note the last two days' rapid decline in production!) and in a few weeks she'll be weaned entirely, which is not what I want.

So of course I'm taking this to the nth degree and feeling pretty much like a failure at everything ever in life. If I can't feed my child, what use am I? Anyone could take care of her and I could get my butt back to work where I could at least do *something* productive. I'm just having a massive pity party today, feeling like I seriously can't do anything right. I can't keep the house clean (the cleaning lady's here since I can't scrub my own toilets, and yes, the dirty dishes are back in plastic bags in the fridge - seriously), I can't get dinner on the table (yesterday's dinner: roasted chicken from the grocery store and leftovers), I can't feed my child, so why on earth am I staying home? What on earth am I doing with myself all day? Just rotting. Rotting like a rotten tomato in the garden I planted last spring and then abandoned to the weeds and the bugs and the dog. Bleh.

But I did take some pictures.