Breastfeeding: where we've been, where we are, where we're going (plus some nitty gritty)

Since I need something to do to feel productive while I sit here and eat salt & vinegar chips on our brand new couch avoid the stack of Christmas cards in the dining room relax for a few minutes in front of the tv, I figured I'd write the breastfeeding post I keep writing in my head lately.

Where we've been:


I exclusively breastfed Julia until we introduced solids about a week shy of six months. She had about two ounces of formula the first night home from the hospital when she was starving and my milk hadn't come in yet, but otherwise, it was all me. She did not nurse exclusively, though. Around week two or three, we introduced a bottle, which she took just fine. We ended up doing about a bottle a day and she never had any trouble switching back and forth.

We had two trips away from the baby during those six months, so I pumped like a crazy person and went to these extreme measures to make sure she still had breastmilk while we were apart. In retrospect, it would have been better to have just given her formula, but I was hell-bent on exclusively breastfeeding, and didn't really understand how to incorporate an alternative, so that's what I did.

Everything went smoothly, for the most part. I got mastitis once, which ended up drastically reducing my supply on one side, but I was still able to produce enough for the babe. After awhile, we got into the habit of giving Julia a bottle before bedtime, then I would pump later in the evening for the next night's bottle. That ever so slowly decreased my evening supply to the point where I wasn't pumping enough for the next night's bottle. After my freezer stash was used up - built up for and during those trips - we ended up adding in formula around eight months. I agonized over this, but despite being attached to the pump for hours in the evenings I was coming up shy, and the sanest choice was clearly to supplement with formula.

Then, we went on vacation and I decided to stop pumping in the evenings altogether. This was AWESOME for my personal life but bad for my supply. I was going from about 3:00 in the afternoon to the next morning without feeding or pumping, and my body couldn't seem to balance that with the rigorous feeding Julia was doing from morning to afternoon. In retrospect, it would have been better to have spaced out the nursing sessions more evenly throughout the day - maybe give a formula bottle in the afternoon and nurse again at night.

Right about this time, my supply started to really tank. I remember worrying to Robert the week I stopped pumping about whether I was making the right choice, since it looked like it was a slippery slope for me - a little drop in demand seemed to be rapidly snowballing.

Turns out, I was also newly pregnant...

Breastfeeding while pregnant (nitty gritty):

My supply started to decline right away. Some women don't seem to notice a change until much later, but I definitely noticed - even before I knew I was pregnant. In all the reading I've done on breastfeeding while pregnant, the one conclusion I can draw is that it's totally different for everyone. Some people are affected more than others, but the range of normal is huge and varied.

For me, I noticed the initial supply dip, then another much stronger dip around 14 weeks. After the initial dip, Julia mostly lost interest in all the nursing sessions except the morning one. She would usually just get up and leave after only a minute or two. I'd give her a cracker or something and she'd happily munch on that instead. So, we weaned down to just the morning session painlessly and fairly quickly (over two weeks or so). I did supplement with formula (she was only 10 months at this point) in bottles. I know some women choose to power through it but for the life of me I don't know how - I was so exhausted with first-trimester fatigue that I felt all my life force draining out of me when she nursed. I just couldn't imagine keeping my body running and sustaining three people. Plus, it's not like formula is evil - she's done just fine and she's doing just fine and it's so much nicer to have a well-nourished baby.

I also called the lactation consultants at the hospital at which I gave birth. Their opinion was that there wasn't much I could do to increase supply while pregnant because the pregnancy hormones supersede pretty much anything you can try. The usual galactagogues aren't safe to take during pregnancy so my only potential option was to pump more to increase the demand on my body, which may or may not work for a little while. Um, no.

(Dad, if you're still reading this, skip this paragraph:) It sounds like many women (i.e. those that post on online message boards) experience nipple soreness in the first trimester that gets better around week 14. I had the opposite - almost none the first trimester, then weeks 14-16 it really peaked. It was toe-curling when Julia latched on. No worse than the toe-curling of the initial week or two of breastfeeding, but kind of a shock nonetheless. It's eased off a bit by now but it still makes me flinch for a second or two when she latches.

Where we are:

So, now I'm at 19 weeks pregnant and she's still nursing once in the morning. I think she's getting very little actual nutrition, though: if we give her a bottle or a cup of milk right after the session, she pounds it away, so I think it's mainly for comfort and just-waking-up cuddles. I can still hand-express a very little amount so I know I'm still making something, but I just can't believe it's very much. (And I'm not digging out the pump to see how much is in there.) I feel no let-down at all and even right before nursing, I don't feel full at all like I used to either. They say colostrum production starts anytime between now and the end of pregnancy, so I'm curious whether either Julia or I will be able to tell when that happens.

It feels like uncharted territory now. Like I said, there's not a whole lot of information out there on what's normal in similar situations. I'm so used to researching the heck out of every single parenting step I take (can I blame law school for this?), so it feels really weird to be truly winging it. It's also kind of nice and freeing - whatever happens, it'll be the right choice for our family and that's really all that's important.

It IS clear, however, that breastfeeding while pregnant is perfectly fine as long as the pregnancy is normal and healthy, and there are no indicators of premature labor. So far so good. My OB knew I was breastfeeding at the beginning of the pregnancy and didn't seem incredibly supportive, but she's apparently forgotten by now and I haven't seen any reason to bring it up again so far. My body will make milk tailored primarily for the new baby - hence the imminent colostrum production - so New Baby won't be missing out on anything, and anything Julia gets is just bonus good nutrition for her.

Where we're going:

I don't know.

I certainly never imagined I'd be in this position. It feels like such a hippie thing to do - be pregnant and breastfeed, but it's truly been a very natural progression for us. I've cut back here and there for my sanity but we both overall enjoy breastfeeding and there just hasn't been a compelling reason to stop. Julia is 13 months and she is still such a baby to me. That morning session clearly brings her comfort (and I die every morning for the chance to just lay in bed with my eyes shut for another 20 minutes) so it's really working for us now.

Maybe she'll lose interest down the line as it becomes clear there's a cup full of chocolate milk available immediately afterwards. Maybe she'll dislike the taste of colostrum when that change happens, and decide to stop then.

Maybe she'll keep at it for the whole pregnancy and I'll end up nursing both my newborn and my toddler. I have no desire to nurse my toddler the same amount as my newborn, but if Julia wants to pick up an extra session or two during the day, I can understand. I have no idea how she's going to react when she sees another baby partaking of "her" buffet, so if tandem nursing minimizes conflict during the tough transition, I'm okay with it.

Basically, I'm going to wing it. And not be afraid to set boundaries with Julia if I start to feel completely overwhelmed or too much like a milk factory for sanity. My goal is to nurse the newborn for six months, and then re-evaluate and see what I feel like doing. But if I don't hit that, I'm okay with it. (Well, not 100% okay, but mostly okay. It is my goal, after all, and I prefer to achieve them.)

And I kind of like that we're doing something unique. Not in a "I'm a better hippie momma than you" or "GOGOGOGOBREASTFEEDING!" way (you moms know exactly what I mean), but I've enjoyed navigating these (fairly) uncharted waters - and the uncharacteristic chilling I've been doing exactly because they're uncharted. And I like knowing I'm doing what works best for my family right now even if it's a little unconventional.

Which is why I'm blogging about it in such detail. I'll update as it becomes relevant but for now, we're going to just keep on keeping on. The human body can be such an amazing thing.

Finally feeling better

Well, today was full of taking care of Julia.

We have an appointment with the pediatric dermatologist on Friday afternoon, and a double-refill of Nystatin to last us until then. I also discovered our local hospital will do the blood draws that she needs (and I've been putting off), finding a pediatric nurse to do the stick if necessary, so we can avoid Quest, which is awesome.

And her fever finally broke this evening around dinnertime. She's still running a low-grade temp - around 100.0-100.5 - but that's downright cool compared to the 102-103 she was running all day, even with Tylenol. Consequently, we spent most of today hanging out in the house. She was pretty lethargic and we actually spent a solid half hour on the couch cuddling and watching Curious George, which is very uncharacteristic of her. She was never to the point where I couldn't get her to laugh, but she just wasn't her usual perky self. Fever 7-10 days after the MMR vaccine hits about one in ten kids, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn't get the 1-in-20 reaction and break out in a rash.

(As an aside - Today was one of those days that made me super-glad I'm still nursing. I pulled her into bed this morning to nurse when she woke up like I usually do, and stripped her down so we could do skin-to-skin, which in theory helps babies regulate their body temperature better. She nursed and slept right next to me for an hour and a half. An hour and a half! I kept trying to get her up - as much as I love the cuddle time, that's kind of boring a long time to just lay there - but she wasn't feeling up to it and would just re-settle and shut her eyes again. I know bottle-fed babies are comforted in other ways, but I don't know what else I could have done for Julia and her poor hot little burning-up body this morning that would have given her what she needed to get a little more rest.  I was just so relieved to be capable of giving her the comfort that she needed this morning.)

And with that, I don't have much else to report. I've discovered the magic that is Costco and despite my newfound obsession with Etsy, I haven't made much of a dent in my Christmas shopping. My mother-in-law is going to spend some QT with Julia tomorrow, so I'll have a chance to get some stuff done. Fingers crossed I don't end up in a Costco-sponsored cookie coma in front of the tv.

And here's the babe, after the fever came down a bit, demonstrating her two new favorite skills:

Seven months!

I know! Seven months already? But it's true. The tiny tiny baby has gotten so big, and this past month has seen a lot of changes, so here's the update.

First and foremost, she's sleeping all through the night! She goes down about 7:30 and wakes up about 6:30, with ZERO middle of the night feedings. This is awesome. She still wakes up and cries or moans a little about once a night, but I don't even have to get out of bed for that. I just lay there with the monitor and hope and pray that she goes back to sleep, and she does. *grin* (Or I fall back asleep and just don't hear her moaning any longer.) She also naps 2-3 times a day on a fairly regular schedule. It's amazing how freeing it feels to me, to have her on a schedule. Of course it's flexible and it changes a little every day depending on circumstances, but it's so nice to be able to schedule outings and plan out my day and feel like I have a little bit of control over life again.

She's getting much better at eating solid foods. She eats about 4-5 ounces of solids a day, spread out over 3 or 4 feedings. We're still nursing, and while I'd like her to consolidate nursing sessions a little better (she's nursing 6-7 times a day when I think she really could be more efficient and get down to 4-5), we're both still enjoying it and I see no reason to rock the boat. I'm slowly but steadily going through our freezer stash though, so we might try to introduce a formula bottle sometime in the next month. We'll see - as she takes in more solids, I might be able to meet her nutritional needs with my current supply.

As far as personality changes, she's been all over the map this past month. At first she was Ms Crankypants, but that ended after her two bottom teeth broke through and we got through the sleep training. She's been downright delightful lately, laughing and smiling and wiggling and giving us the occasional high-five. She has separation and stranger anxiety, which is a little frustrating but totally normal for this age so I'm rolling with it. She babbles a little, mostly "ma ma," "ba ba," and "fa fa," and mostly when she feels like complaining. She loves investigating everything she can get her hands on, and although she can manipulate small objects pretty well, she's still clumsy with larger things, and I can tell it frustrates her. She's definitely trying to walk; if I hold her steady, she'll take steps across the carpet, but she doesn't have any idea how to pull herself up to sitting or standing. And just in the last few days have I seen her make any progress towards crawling: she is just starting to push up on her hands and knees. But either way, I think the babyproofing needs to happen this next month!

Once in awhile, when she's tired and I'm carrying her around, she'll lay her head on my shoulder for a few seconds and it's the second sweetest thing ever. Because, she always nurses right before she goes down for her morning nap, and she curls up in my lap and shuts her eyes and I stroke her hair and she gets so mellow and relaxed, and it's so lovely that it makes my heart hurt - that's the sweetest thing ever.

She loves:

• horsey rides on Daddy's shoulders
• peek-a-boo
• when Mommy or Daddy crawls around on the floor
• Home Depot
• riding in grocery carts
• dancing with Mommy
• cell phones
• yogurt
• banana flavor
• the music buttons on her exersaucer
• new toys
• Scrappy
• wiggling 
• the contractor who's doing our bathroom
• playing with the baby in the mirror
• having her tummy kissed
• remote controls

She dislikes:

• putting her arms through sleeves
• having her diaper put on
• being cold
• sitting when she can stand
• laying down when she can sit
• that third nap of the day
• any toy that she's played with for five minutes already
• strangers
• cuddling

A few days ago, my awesome friend Sara met Julia and I in a park to take some photos. Although Julia was surly and I'm not sure we got a single smile out of her the entire time, Sara did a fabulous job of capturing the babe - way better than I do with my camera! I love how she caught Julia's bright blue/green starburst eyes in so many of the pictures. Here are a few of my favorites:

So I just noticed I'm wearing the same shirt here as I was in the penguin exhibit, even though these photos were taken exactly one day later. Here's the story: I bought a tank top at J. Crew and it was so exciting because I never get to go to grown-up stores at the mall any more, and I never buy anything for myself at any grown-up stores anymore, so I was pumped about it (plus it was $9.99!). I wore the tank top to the zoo the day after I bought it, and then I washed it that night and figured, "Oh what the heck - who's going to know?" and wore it again the next day. And probably no one would have noticed except I've gone and drawn attention to it and so now the entire internet knows. Don't judge me.
Anyways.

We've been getting this expression a lot lately.

Robert says it looks like she's trying to break the camera with her mind.

Look at the little chompers!

Sleeping and eating frustration

Julia's almost six months now, and we're done with traveling and other disruptions for awhile, so I've been trying to tweak her eating and sleeping schedule to something a little more manageable for me long-term. At four months, she was snacking about every two hours and I was struggling to keep her focused on nursing for long enough to get a full meal. She was sleeping from about 7-7 overnight, with a wake-up for eating around 4:30, and napping for half an hour exactly about every two hours.

Her naps have naturally matured into longer ones, which is the good news. Now in the morning, she always sleeps for an hour, and sometimes I even get 90 minutes. She can stay awake for about 2.5 or 3 hours at a time now versus 1.75 or 2, and I usually get a long nap in the afternoon too. All nice developments, although her night sleep changes are the bad news. She now goes to bed around 7:30, and gets up around 6:30. She's moved her nighttime wake-up to 3:00, and is starting to occasionally wake up other times too (11 pm, 5:30 am, midnight, who knows anymore). And what I initially thought was a nursing strike seems to actually be her shifting her preferred eating times to something much more inconvenient.

She has been getting harder to nurse in the mornings (and heck, the evenings too), and now it looks like she's getting more and more of her nutrition during her relatively peaceful, efficient night feeds. I'm obviously not a fan. One of my books says it's normal for babies to have one night waking up to nine months, while another says that a six month baby should be able to go twelve hours overnight without a feeding. I tend to agree with the latter, since she used to go ten or eleven hours overnight, and I'm afraid I've trained her to be hungry in the middle of the night. Especially when I realized that she's going four and five hours between feedings in the morning - I think we've shifted her eating timetable, so she's hungry in the middle of the night and not hungry in the mornings. Ugh.

But I don't know what to do. Obviously I could just not feed her when she wakes up and let her cry herself back to sleep, but I just don't think I could stand that (yet - if this keeps up I might not care in a few weeks). I've been trying to limit the amount she's eating during those middle of the night feedings, but that makes her pretty angry and she ends up crying herself back to sleep anyways. I had some success last night only offering her my "bad side" (Yes, most nursing women have a good side and a bad side - I get 2-3x more milk from one side than the other - how strange is that, huh?). She protested a little but eventually sucked herself back to sleep and ate relatively well this morning.

We're also introducing some solids (a little rice cereal, and we're going to try peas today!) so I'm wondering how that's going to play into this.

Julia and Scraps and I are on our own for a few days since R is away on business, so I guess now is my time to experiment. Although I have a feeling I might be so beat that I'll just end up doing whatever's easiest in the middle of the night. We'll see. I know this is super-boring for everyone reading but it's good for me to sort things out in writing.

Photos to come later today so R can keep up. :)

Solid foods Sunday!

So, now that we're all back home and settled (except for the dog who is still pissed off about being boarded in the kennel last week), we decided to give Julia the chance to try some rice cereal. She's already a champ at sipping milk off of a spoon, so it went surprisingly well. I'm in no rush to get her on solids, so we'll be taking it slowly. A little more rice cereal later this week, maybe some squash or applesauce next week.

Right now, my goal is to keep Julia on breastmilk only (plus the few solids we try) until she's six months. There's nothing magical about the number, and it's totally a point of pride for me rather than for any health benefits for her. I'm not pumping in the morning any more to make up her nighttime bottle, so we'll run through the freezer stash (which ought to last until her half-birthday), then start supplementing with formula once that's gone. I'm actually really happy to not be pumping any more, and I've definitely been looking forward to having that extra time in the mornings. I thought I'd feel badly about the formula supplementation but I totally don't - it's time to do it for my sanity and it in no way seems plausible that Julia's going to miss out on some health benefit if I give her a bottle of formula a day. I'm not going to drop nursing altogether until one of us is ready for that, but I am starting to look forward to the freedom that formula is going to give us.

And for those who don't want to watch the video, here are photos from our adventure today:

Dad, I totally got this already.

Oh. You put that stuff on these toys?

Milk bubbles mean I'm trusting you... 

Dad I hate this why are you making me do this you're sooooo meeaaaaannnn...

I'm soooo saaaaaad...

Oh wait. This is messy, and messy is kind of fun. Nevermind, I love you Dad.

Mom. I got this. Geez you people.

Seriously, I'm a pro.

Traveling and flying with "nursing milk"

So, I know over half of this blog's followers are not moms, but I've got another mom-directed post to get off my chest. I searched the web high and low for this information when I was trying to prepare for our trips, and couldn't find it anywhere, so I'm hoping this helps out a few random Googlers in the same boat I was in.

R and I had two trips this spring that we were taking without the baby. But, since I was all gung-ho to keep nursing her, I basically went to some crazy measures to make sure she had breastmilk while we were away from each other. The easy part was pumping and freezing about 200 ounces of extra milk: I used the Lansinoh storage bags and froze the milk in 4 ounce increments. (As an aside, I liked the bags - of the couple hundred I've gone through, only a handful have broken.) The tough part was getting this frozen milk, which needs to be used within 24 hours of thawing and cannot be refrozen if thawed, from our place in the midwest to my parents' house in Dallas, where Julia was staying for this trip. The other tough part was transporting the milk that I pumped while away back to our house to restock that freezer stash. If you think I'm going to spend hours pumping in a hotel room while I'm on vacation just to dump that hard-earned baby food down the drain, you crazy.

The key for both those objectives was dry ice. We debated overnighting the milk to Dallas, but in the end opted to carry it down with me during my flight. I bought an insulated box from Control Temp Packaging and R.N.C. Industries via their Amazon store, and planned to check it just like another piece of luggage (thank goodness for Southwest and their baggage policy!). Even checking the  milk as a third bag on Southwest was way cheaper than overnighting it using FedEx or UPS ($50 vs $100+), and checking it involved much less travel time from freezer to freezer. It was a little risky because the airlines can always lose a bag, but we had a direct flight and I felt comfortable enough.

Anyways, our flight was at 1:00, so I bought the dry ice the day before. I ended up at some warehouse that did mostly ice carvings and shaved ice machine rentals, but it worked out just fine. You can only carry on 5 lbs of dry ice in a package (which is the same limit imposed by FedEx and UPS by the way), but I bought 15 lbs because it was so cheap ($0.80/lb). That 15 lb block was about 10 lbs by the next morning after sitting overnight in my insulated box. Don't put dry ice in your freezer - they say it won't last any longer than if you store it in a cooler, and it'll mess with the temperature settings of your machine and make you sorry. A few hours before the flight, I broke that 10 lb block into pieces by dropping it on our garage floor, and got a few chunks that made up approximately 5 lbs. Wrapped those up in newspaper and put them on top of the frozen milk inside that insulated box. Packed it carefully, used newspaper to fill the holes, taped it up and away we went. (Don't make the seals airtight because you need somewhere for that CO2 to go when the ice sublimates, but you also don't need to like, poke holes in it to vent. A regular cardboard box should vent fine as long as you don't tape every single edge.) When I checked the bag with the airline, I just told the guy there was dry ice in it, yes the ice was less than five pounds, and all it required was an additional sticker. He did ask what the contents of the box were, and got totally flustered when I told him "breastmilk." He wrote "nursing milk" on the label instead, which made me giggle.

TSA did not open the box, which might have just been lucky on my part. But everything arrived frozen solid when we got to Dallas! There was still a decent-sized chunk of ice in the box when we got there. So, all in all, my 15 lb block turned into a 10 lb block after about 12 or 13 hours, and my 5 lb block was plenty sufficient to keep the milk frozen for about seven hours of travel time. Success!

To get milk back home safely, I've used gel packs to keep milk chilled in my checked luggage. I've also used gel packs to keep milk frozen in checked luggage, but they definitely only barely kept things frozen during travel time. The thinner parts of the frozen bags were thawed, so I wouldn't recommend that or do that again. You hate to throw out a 4 oz bag because one little end of it started to thaw.

What we did this trip, since it was five days long and the milk needs to be frozen within a few days of pumping, was overnight the first few days' worth of milk - chilled but not frozen - back to Midwest, where some relatives were kind enough to receive the package and put the milk into the freezer for us. I bought a cheap, hard-sided cooler at WalMart, and two 3 lb bricks of dry ice from a local grocery store (call around but I guess it's not that uncommon for a grocery store to sell dry ice - who knew?). I put the dry ice in the cooler, put the chilled milk on top, boxed it up, and the hotel overnighted it out for me. Turned out the dry ice froze most - but not all - of the milk in transit, but since there was still dry ice in the cooler when the package arrived at its destination, I'm assuming the temperature never fluctuated back up and the non-frozen milk didn't go through a freeze/thaw cycle in transit. If I were to do this again, I'd distribute the milk more evenly around the dry ice so that everything would freeze and stay frozen, instead of the bags furthest away from the ice remaining liquid, which is what happened this time. My fault though, since I put the ice on the bottom of the cooler rather than the milk (the cold air from the ice sinks - duh Jess).

Anyways, the milk I pumped for the second half of the trip got chilled, then put into two soft-sided coolers (one inside the other) with a big frozen gel pack wrapped up in a washcloth. Then it got carried on - I declared it ahead of time at security and TSA was totally cool with it; honestly they didn't even look inside the cooler to check it out. I brought extra baggies in case I needed to dump the gel pack - thinking I could fill them up with ice on the other side of security - but (go figure) a frozen gel pack is fine to get through security as long as it's completely frozen solid. This kept the milk chilled for my travel time (another seven hours or so). I've also checked chilled milk before using the same set-up, and it also went fine; I just prefer to carry it on in case the airline loses my bag.

I asked our hotels to provide mini-fridges in our rooms, which wasn't a problem at all. The mini-fridges all had little bitty freezer compartments to freeze the gel packs. The shipping department at the Ritz was also very accommodating in helping me overnight my package. (By contrast, the Bellagio, while ultimately coming through for me, was all, "Well maybe we'll have a fridge for your room when you get here, maybe not. Can't guarantee it. Just have to see when you get here.") The key things to remember are storage bags and cleaning materials for the pump parts and bottles (if you pump into bottles like I do instead of directly into bags). I brought my electric pump for use in the hotel room, and a manual pump for pumping on the plane, which was WAY more discreet and convenient. (Remember to pack a nursing cover so you're not trying to hide awkwardly behind your husband's jacket.) Also remember to pack some extra ziploc baggies for ice in case you end up having to toss a gel pack (I used these on the flight out when I didn't pack a gel pack in my carry-on but pumped on the plane). Most airports have a family restroom or an itty bitty space in the women's restroom where you can pump discreetly.

It's tough, and honestly looking back, I kind of wish I had just decided to supplement with formula instead of go through all this trouble, but it's doable. Dry ice and preparation... and you too can go through an inordinate amount of hassle to keep your baby exclusively on breastmilk while traveling without her!

Slacker Sunday

Well I've really been slacking on this blog lately. I keep this blog for several different audiences (family, friends, random googlers, myself), and I like that it has several different purposes (share photos of Julia, chat about life, be informative, and let me vent and work things out like a journal). Whenever I think about what I want to post, though, I seem to always think something like, "Oh, my family won't find that interesting at all - only friends," or "That's going to be really boring for everyone else." That - plus Season 5 of Nip/Tuck that we just discovered on Netflix - has led to me pretty much posting nothing lately. It's turning into an all or nothing thing ("If I can't come up with a post that's interesting for everyone, I'll just skip it tonight.") and that's the whole anti-point of this blog. I'm trying to make my life about doing something, even if it's not everything, and especially even if it's not perfect. Light one candle at a time, instead of feeling like I have to light them all and end up sitting there cursing the dark.

So, I'm sorry if something is boring, or if you're really sick of looking at 86,000 photos of my baby. But we'll just have to take the bad with the good, won't we? I mean, that's life, and it's ridiculous for me to try to make my blog anything but. I was kind of thinking of subtitling the blog, "Keeping it real, with a healthy dose of gratitude." I know I'm so blessed, but that doesn't mean everything's great all the time, and conversely, even when things suck, there's still a lot that I'm thankful for.

Anyways. Knock on wood, but Julia might be at the end of her sleep regression. Two nights ago she slept until 4:30, and last night she slept until 6:30. I'm not ready to declare victory yet, but I'm optimistic. Napping is still all over the place, and almost a little more frustrating than before; at least with her half-hour naps, she was predictable and I could plan around her. Now it's just a total crapshoot every day. She can still only stay awake for about two hours max, but I have no idea how long any of her naps are going to be, so it's really hard to schedule anything outside the house. Plus, I'm really second-guessing myself on what she needs, sleep- and schedule-wise, which makes things a little more stressful for both of us. But, if we're past the transition phase of these sleep issues, I can start working on getting her more on a schedule. We'll see how the next few days nights go.

I'm also itching to start her on some rice cereal. She's gotten pretty good at "drinking" breastmilk off of a spoon, and I think she's ready for a challenge. But, we're going to visit my parents in about a week, so she'll be away from home for about ten days (and from me for five - sob!), and it just doesn't make sense to try to start something new until we're back. And then at that point, we'll be about two weeks away from six months (holy crap - six months already?!), and I might just try to keep her exclusively on breastmilk until that mark. Probably not, because what difference will those two weeks really make? But I'm considering it. At that point, we're planning to transition to a little bit of formula and we'll start solids in earnest.

We like giving her a bottle at night right before bed. My milk supply is pretty low at that point, and I like knowing she gets a full feeding before bedtime, and I think R likes having the chance to feed her on a daily basis. The problem is, I'm really struggling to pump enough for that bottle each day. I was trying to pump at night, but usually getting 2-3 oz versus the 4+ that she takes in that last bottle. I tried pumping twice at night, but was still barely breaking even, plus that just sucks to be sitting there glued to the pump practically all evening when that's my only true free time of the day. So I'm back to pumping during the day; my supply is so much better in the mornings that it's no problem to get 4+ oz earlier in the day. I'm pumping a little here and there - whenever I can find a free 10 minutes - to make up her nightly bottle, and then once again at night to get an extra few ounces for cushion and to empty things out before bed. Again, though, this sucks. I don't have many 10 minute breaks during the day, and it sucks to spend them pumping. I can keep it up until we get back from our trip, then I think I'm done with the daily pumping. I'll dip into the freezer stash for those extra couple ounces until Julia's six months, then we'll just use formula to make up any deficiency. I still feel kind of failure-like for not being able to adequately feed my baby, but if we can hit that six-month mark, I'll also feel like objectively I did a pretty decent job. I'm still planning to nurse but we'll probably start gradually weaning her onto formula and solids.

In non-baby news, the weather has finally started to get better here, and my foot is also finally feeling better, so we're heading out to the park today! R and I used to go hiking all the time with Scrappy last year, and I really miss that. I'm hoping we can start taking Julia and Scraps out for walks in the park again, and when things finally dry up a bit (our backyard is seriously like a bog right now) maybe get back into easy hiking. Fingers crossed!

And, for anyone who's bothered to read this far:

Enjoying the new chair and Freddie the Firefly.

Checkin' out the view from way up there.

This photo totally cracks me up. I guess this is her "Okay now I'm freaked out get me out of here!" face.